Actual conversation between me and my retired-extremely-capable-software-teaching-diva Mama working on my holiday envelope addresses on my envelopes:
Me: just give me your list in excel. I'll pull the addresses I need and print the envelopes.
Mama: ok. Let's make a database for a quick mail merge. What size are your envelopes?
Me: um.... Hm. The size isn't listed on the box. Where's your ruler?
Mama: ruler? Let me see it. I can get the address on by eye.
Me: (horrified silence) ... You don't.... MEASURE your envelopes?
Mama: NO. Lemme look... That looks like.... 5 by 7. (Opens envelope options and starts trying to find this match)
Me: DO YOU HAVE A RULER? (Mama casually opens drawer and tosses me a ruler while she continues to find rough envelope sizes online)
Me: AH-HA!!! This envelope is 5.75 by NINE inches! Find that envelope!
Mama: (bored, now scrolling looking for a new size match)
Me: YOU DON'T USE CUSTOM ENVELOPE??!!!
Mama: (casually) Yeah, I do...
Me: click options. Custom envelope is on the bottom. Scroll down.
Mama now morphing into Microsoft Word Diva: *cuts me with a glare I have never witnessed from my saintly mother*
Lesson learned: never attempt to school the Microsoft Diva in any things Word. Acolyte chastely resumes her reverence.
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