The Last Temptation of Megan and Halloween hijinks

Lot of ground to cover this week. Holiday season is ramping up! (For those of you that don't know - Halloween is a holiday too. Followed by Thanksgiving then Christmas. As far as I'm concerned you can start talking about Christmas anytime after Halloween and yes, I've already been listening to Christmas carols).

First things first. As a newly-minted divorcee, I can tell you that the dating scene sure has changed a lot in the last 20 years. Someone should invent things like band parties for grown-ups. But - texting has sure helped a lot - never will I again underestimate the power of a well-worded text! Although... I think the first text I sent one guy after our first date was along the lines of "Was that a date? Did we just go on a date? PLEASE SAY IT WAS A DATE OR I MAY CRY." so obviously I'm doing the whole "back on the market" thing well. I'm learning. But nothing in the wheelhouse in my past dating life or crash course I've had this summer could have prepared me for what one gentleman caller shared with me.... Dipsey Doodle! Look away now!

I mean it, Dipsey!

You can't un-see this!

(OK I think he's gone now)

dj smith's tonsils. adenoids included. haha look at that pumpkin in the background - he's happy 'cause he's not the scariest thing in the room.

Oh and yes, please don't think I don't get the irony in taking time out of my busy busy life and spending money on things like changing my last name only start dating a man with the same last name as I just got rid of. HA HA HA. Actually it's for the best that I changed my name because we've know each other for years and we both got in the habit of calling each other "Cousin Smith" and this is East Tennessee after all and besides the first man I want to marry as a little girl was my cousin Greg and SHUT UP. IT'S FINE; he ended up marrying instead:

dorothy gayle. can't say as that i blame him.

I have to say, campus has really been testing my inner strength recently. The other day I came across this little baby:

i'm tempted to caption this "why the hell is this here?" but honestly a surprise merry-go-round is an awesome thing so i'm not complaining. dj smith offered to trailer it to my loft behind his minivan but all he had to hook it up with was a coat hanger to his bumper and even IIIII know that's ridiculous so said  thanks but no thanks. besides, even though i'm pretty sure it'd fit in the living room i'm quite confident that it wouldn't go through the doorway and whoever heard of a hallway carousel? NO ONE, that's who.

That didn't stop me from riding it while it was here though.

merry go megan!

and i even brought a friend along for the ride!

Furthering the Last Temptation of Megan was this rather large baby:

it took all my will power not to run over there and jerk off that sheet.

it was hiding a dinosaur. they're calling it the largest and newest volunteer on campus but frankly i saw jurassic park and i know dinosaurs aren't that tiny. and at first i thought it was real bones and was like 'why are they putting that outside? has no one heard of acid rain?' and was disappointed to learn it was a bronze statue. way to psyche me out, ut. friend kristi and i marvel at the tiny pretend dinosaur.

but i did run into friend lola and we are dressed as twinkies, down to our orange pants and leather jackets!

Oh, and just because it's fun:

so so so so SO many things i want to caption this, but i think i'll settle with "what's your name?" "puddintain."

Now! To Halloween fun! Friend and neighbor Sharon and I threw and epic Halloween party! She even tore her ACL whilst dropping da bootie and is currently on crutches (this is distinctly a bad thing. Although if one HAD to tear an ACL, while cutting a mad rug is the way to make it go down.)

Doctor examining Sharon: Let's take a look at this, shall we, Ms. Deaver? Hmmm... Interesting, interesting.... Can you tell me how this happened?

Sharon: I was grinding with Mary Poppins and fell.

Anyway - Sharon and I have been planning this Halloween party for months. We both discovered over the summer that our favorite Disney princess is Alice (she had named her dog Alice as a matter of fact) and I am realizing that my affinity to Alice has been heightened tremendously over the last year because most of the time I really have felt like I've taken a tumble down the rabbit hole. I even have recently read a book called "What Alice Forgot" about a grown up Alice in Wonderland who wakes up with amnesia to find out that she is 40 years old and divorcing the love of her life and can't remember why. That book resounded pretty hard. Sharon was the Queen of Hearts a few years ago for Halloween and still had the costume she made, so we recruited the Roomstress and one Mad Hatter later we had:

a match made in wonderland

So many people went all out with their costumes! I was thrilled with the party and danced myself ragged until the early morning. So much fun!

a lot of disney represented in the hizzy

matthew as buffalo bill with precious in his skin suit offers mama as hello kitty some lotion out of his basket

speaking of mama, she was truly disturbed when i described these two characters to her and the scenes which they were representing. buffalo bill and mrs. mia wallace.

cathy a la lichtenstein and me

nun maria and scary circuit preacher rob

jen and me - aptly captioning this: girl. you wouldn't believe the shit i've seen in my days.

sharon's folks, ty and bebo

me and philippa as philippa's familiar

sharon was all 'off with her head!!!!' to me all night long

but then we made up and played some croquet

fore!

But the best costume I saw was the next morning at breakfast:

john as a cruz dairy farm girl. well played, sir. how very knoxville of you.

Fun night and great time with family and friends.

A few days ago, I attended a beer dinner. And yes, I saw the menu beforehand. And yes. I know I have the palate of a nine year old. And YES. I knew it was going to be a challenge. I took friend Cathy along with me not knowing:

she has a similar palate. we went to mcdonald's after.

The best part of the evening was the two of us sneakily eyeing each other as each dish was served to see if they other would take a bite first and what their reaction would be. All I'll say is this: foie gras PB and J with foie gras ice cream was the dessert. I ate duck ice cream, ya'll. 

But Cathy and I both got corsages out of the deal so all was well.

Well, that's all I got for this week! Happy Halloween Eve, everyone!

Over and OUT!

Lines from the loft...

Upon returning Scottie Dog Alice back to friend and neighbor Sharon after a day of dog sitting:

R: I miss Alice. I really really miss her.

Me: We should get a cat. They're much easier to take care of.

R:  We can't even keep the cuckoo clock going, Megan.

Ouch. Truth is painful.

I'm so lost in Wonderland that it isn't even funny. Well. Ok. It's a little bit funny.

So I had to work over the weekend which I don't usually have to do, but I got done earlier than I expected and went back home to an open afternoon all free to do whatever I wanted to do. So what did I chose to do?

Chores. I finished sewing my Halloween costume.

It's a great costume, and I love to sew. I had a nice afternoon all alone to myself, as the Roomstress had departed on a date to the football game. And, as I am wont to do when I'm alone and finish a sewing project, I shucked off my jeans and tank top in the living room and wiggled into the costume. I hadn't had in on for a minute when the Roomstress and her date make it back home.

Here's the funny part: I hid.

Roomstress: Hello! We're home!

Me: OH!!! (hiding. Peering around corner...)

Roomstress: Are... are you decent?

Me: Um... well, sort of. Define decent? You know what.... what the Hell.....

And I walked out so they could both see me. In my Alice in Wonderland costume. And it's pretty damn dead on. I also was watching Pollyanna at the time too.

After they stopped laughing, they both congratulated me on a job well done. Pictures to come after this weekend's Halloween party!

In other news, I really have hit a new low when it comes to my diet. After working over the weekend and sewing all afternoon, I was so exhausted I couldn't bring myself to leave my apartment and go in search of real food. I wanted buttered noodles, but was all out of noodles. I found a half a box of lasagna noodles in the back of the cabinet and ....

made invention noodles. turns out, it worked for the best!

Additionally, I need to check out this page turner:

and as deaver pointed out - what a well placed sticker! also, two books to the left? coyote ugly - i just noticed that. who knew a leeann rimes special actually stemmed from literature. 

And lastly - look what I found on the stairs today:

milk! at least whomever is doing this will not suffer from osteoporosis.

That's all I got for today. Over and OUT.

I'm so Jimmy Buffet that I should drink a Margarita now. Don't mind if I do.

YA'LL.  I totally blew out a flip flop and had to walk home barefooted.

rocks, no salt.

I went walking with the brother and the sister-in-law the other day, and came across the happiest morbid scene I think I've ever seen.

they're dead for some reason

So I joined them.

me taking a dirt nap

I went out the other day and came home to the Roomstress watching Henry and June - the first NC-17 movie. There's a reason for that distinction:

there was a whole lot of making out involved - i remember nothing but that.

I joined a band.

gonna go prima donna on all you fools any second now.

And lastly, on this morning's run, I noticed the gate barring the Henley Street bridge was unlocked and wide open, so....

i'm the first pedestrian on the new bridge!

And that's all the news I got for today. Over and out.

Downtime is a good thing.

So it's Wednesday and I started thinking about what I should write about today and it occurred to me - that nothing's going on. Nothing to write about. Nothing of import, nothing funny, nothing ironic or weird, just not a lot going on. Nothing.

And that's OK. In fact, it's fucking awesome. I really could use some sleep.

Instead, I'm going to share with you something that hangs on my wall beside my desk. It's a note from First Lady Michelle Obama.

thanks, shelly. you look awesome too.

Because when the First Lady tells you that you look good, by golly you pay attention.

I also think the prednisone Hulk has finally come home - I'm bloated, cranky, hungry and chatty as all hell. And yesterday I cried for about two hours straight. I feel like I brush the sides of the door when I enter a room. If something sits still long enough in front of me I'll end up trying to eat it eventually. Two more days of this horse shit and I'm DONE. At least I feel like moving again - and honestly, stopping movement for six weeks has ultimately been a GOOD thing. It's forced me to start over and move my legs for short distances and go WOW THAT HURT BUT STILL FEELS GOOD.

Oh but this happened and it did coincide with the prednisone experience so this was a good thing too:

i totally sledgehammered a car.it was for a good cause. and helped me with the prednisone hulk.

And there's a tree on campus that is just BEGGING for an Anne Geddes photo shoot, but since I didn't have any babies handy to dress up as peas or bees or flowers or whatever such nonsense I pitch hit and made do:

i'm an adult anne geddes.

Oh and this -

someone was playing barbies on the stairs

THIS JUST IN - had to call in the second garbage disposal repair request yesterday. Just got a voice mail from the office advising me that I need to have a discussion with them about the "future use" of the garbage disposal. I am pretty sure a lecture about garbage disposal maintenance and care is in my future.

Sorry not sorry, dammit.

We all can't be good at everything...

So in addition to being a dyed-in-the-wool southern gal, I'm also a dyed-in-the-wool UT fan. The Roomstress, on the other hand - notsomuch. In spite of living in KnoxVegas for the last ten years or so, and having a degree from a campus in the UT system - still not taking to the Vol gene. 

Something must be done. The answer is obvious.

The Roomstress attended her first UT football game last weekend. We tailgated, we ate and drank very unhealthy foodstuffs, we attended a whole two quarters to cheer on the Vols, we gave especially loud shouts out to Knoxville's own Jessica Henderson, we left early to eat BBQ on the sun deck at Calhoun's, we accepted an invitation for a drink on board the Vol Navy, we returned to campus and tailgated more - all in all, a very successful introduction into the church of UT football. The Roomstress was mightily pleased. I even think she learned some of the rules of football!

So in order to capture the moment, I thought it would only be appropriate to snap a quick pic before kickoff at the game. I held up my camera to a man sitting behind us, and asked over the din if he'd be so kind as to snap a picture of the two of us. He shrugged, nodded and reached out for my phone. And I noticed the woman sitting behind him frown and shake her head slightly - but I went on with the transaction anyway.

Here is a photo montage of what transpired.

that's his hand pointing and asking what button to hit to take the picture. i think you got it mister. gangbusters.

yup, that's the one. you got it. hit that button again.

um, ok yes, i said YES, that's the one.

ok but - wait, you gotta turn it around - that's the wrong - 

oh hell, what the hell are you doing

OK - you're getting the hang of this - you took a picture of SOMETHING

yup ok - that's you

you again. look how much fun the lady behind him is having at this exchange. he's all like 'what kind of evil sorcery is this? no ma'am i shan't snap you with this soul-sucking demon tool!' and she's all *snickers*

christ. 

yeah, no. define insanity. you're doing it right.

wait wait! warmer!

thank you lord. and dear sweet person for your patience while man-handling my camera.

Happy What the Hell Wednesday, ya'll! Over and OUT.