Snow Day boredom buster - guaranteed!

I know, I know. I know all you moms and dads out there in TV land are dying to get out of the house without being obligated to assist with snowmen and snow angels. I know Melissa calls you daily and squelches the glimmer of hope you may have had in thinking the rugrats will be at their desks tomorrow. I know. And I'm sorry. But it's one of those times when I do want to take the time to say....

SUCK IT!!! I ain't got no kids! And when UT calls off school it means I get to sleep in and wake up and brave a few blocks of snow to find the one or two restaurants open downtown and have someone make me lovely food, and when I get to pal around with all my other downtown dwellers, and we all get excited and go take selfies with the Rowing Man on Gay Street. YEEE-HAW!!!!

But trust me, it gets old after awhile. For real.

Which is when, after pulling out every quilt and blanket I own and distributing it two a houseful of ladies snuggling down for a late afternoon chat-fest, I spied a Christmas gift from thoughtful friend Josh DeBord lying in a basket under my coffee table....

An MRE.

I've told this story about a bit, and am surprised at how few people know what an MRE is. It's a Meal Ready to Eat; distributed to our service men and women, but also airdropped to localities around the world in crisis. Which did perplex me because the whole thing was written in English - but whatever, they didn't ask my opinion on it. However, when we gave tip cards out at Disney World when I was a waitress there in the 90s and it was written in about twelve languages, but what do I know? ANYWAY.

It took some cajoling, but I knew one lady would need no convincing - adventurous Lola Alapo would be down with an MRE taste test - and she was! But despite a few good-natured complaints, once I passed out spoons and napkins, everyone was eager to get started (because the sooner we started, the sooner it would be over).

the spread

We started off slow - raisins.

Ladies all watching me hesitantly eat a few raisins from the pouch: What's it taste like?
Me: It tastes like raisins.
Johnna, tasting: Not very good raisins.

me looking for lola's expression.

here it is.

Next up: peas and spaghetti. Yes. That's right. Peas and spaghetti. Which sounded pretty gross and confusing until I opened up the packet and it was CHICK peas, not green peas. Makes a little more sense, maybe?

Me: I think these people are confused about what peas are.
Johnna, spilling peas and spaghetti all on herself: DAMMIT, I'm in the desert starving to death and I still managed to spill food all over myself!!!

you can take the girl out of loudon county, but you can't take the loudon county out of the girl.

Next, there were two packets of crackers, two packets of strawberry jam and one packet of peanut butter so I figured that it was meant to eat those all together. I followed the directions on the peanut butter and kneaded it before I opened it, but the strawberry jam had no such instructions and as such I was unpleasantly surprised to get strawberry jam water instead of jam. My accomplices admonished me to knead anything that was kneadable before opening.

Me: I don't like that jam.
Sharon: hey where's the cracker? I haven't tasted it yet! Is it gone?
Me: Lola! You ate the whole thing? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SHARE. We are starving in the desert and  you hog the whole thing!
Johnna: the jam's not bad. I mean, it's not Smuckers, it's more like Food City brand jam. You're just used to homemade jam, Megan.

may be the first time i've ever consumed anything containing peanut butter with this much hesitation.

johnna with non-smuckers jam

Next: bean salad. This is by far the best of the bunch, and universally is agreed as the winner thus far.

shannon enjoying a heaping helping of bean salad.

Lastly, we have oatmeal cookies. Oats were the fifth ingredient listed. I don't think they understand what "oatmeal" cookie means.

puff, puff, passing the gross cookie.

After we ate, it was determined that maybe it would all be more appetizing if we actually PLATED it and saw what it looked like.

it didn't work.

Me: It's all so.... brown.
Sharon: It looked more appetizing in the pouch when you couldn't see what you were eating.

We then took a look at what Johnna coined the "accessory pack." It included pack each of sugar, salt, crushed red pepper, a DQ Blizzard spoon, a book of matches and one wet wipe. Johnna had a lot to say about the accessory pack.

Johnna: Look at this. One wet wipe? This is supposed to be a meal for a day, right? What am I supposed to do, cut this into thirds and wipe my hands before each meal? Who wanted these in here, Halliburton? If I'm starving in the dessert do you really think I'm going to keep up with hygiene and save the bit of wet wipe throughout the day? And why not three DQ Blizzard spoons? And this red pepper - look what's on the front of the package - a piece of pizza, a hamburger and a beer. Do they think that's what's inside? See, if I got this I'd be mad because I'd know that's what all the AMERICANS are dining on tonight and I have fricking bean salad. And what's the sugar for? To help those sad little raisins?

johnna's review of an mre. she was on a roll.

We also noticed the pack of matches and thought that might be included to help heat the food up, so I tried it.

didn't help.

In the end, we determined that although not the tastiest thing we've ever tried, it was a good experience and a fun way to pass the snowy day. And would be exceptionally delicious when stranded in the desert.

All I got for today. Over and out.