I think my hair dryer is trying to kill me

Actual conversation from years ago at a friend's house in Sarasota, Fla.:

Amanda, stomping in the room: YOUR HAIRDRYER ALMOST SET MY HAIR ON FIRE.

Me: What are you talking about?

Amanda: IT SPITS SPARKS.

Me: No, it doesn't, it just makes funny clickey sounds every now and again.

Amanda: OTHERWISE KNOWN AS FIRE.

Me: Oh, you took the diffuser off. I always use it with the diffuser, and it doesn't get sparks on me.

Kristina: I THOUGHT I saw a spark come out of it yesterday when I used it! Megan, that hair dryer is dangerous!!

Me: No, not if you use the diffuser -  you put it on and it covers the blowey hole.

Rachel: What are y'all talking about?

Kristina: Megan is the proud owner of a deadly hair dryer and is refusing to throw it away.

Me: It's got a hunk of plastic covering the top! It's fine!

Amanda: The hunk of plastic being held together with duct tape?

Me: It's fine! The sparks can't get to my hair!

Rachel: Oh my God, Megan you are using a flame thrower as a hairdryer? And you're ok with this? Give it to me. (throws in the trash) Now go buy a new hairdryer.

Fast forward about five years, in my bathroom at home yesterday:

Me, out of the shower drying my hair with my hairdryer procured in Florida on that trip, bent over double, drying away. I notice a small blister on one toe and when I reached out to touch it my forearm brushed against the cord of the newer hairdryer.

And it electrocuted me. ELECTROCUTED ME.

All of a sudden I remembered the flame thrower hairdryer and the one time I borrowed my father's hair dryer and it sucked all my long hair up in the intake on the back of it and I had to cut myself free from the hairdryer. What am I doing to amass this stockpile of deadly hairdryers?

I'm so confused. Over and out.