What Not To Do With Found Objects

Actual conversation that occurred immediately prior to an event doing a pre-event trash sweep in the venue:

Me (running up in a tizzy): guys! GUYS! GUYTH. Look what I found in the floor of the auditorium!!

Bewildered co-worker #1: Softcup? Is it a bra?

Me: No! It is a tampon. OF THE FUTURE.

Bewilderded co-workers #1 and #2: (bewildered silence)

Me: Ever hear of those Diva Cup things? It's like those, but you throw it out after you use it instead of washing it out at night.

Bewilderded co-workers #1 and #2: (continued bewildered silence)

Me: You know? Diva Cup? You put it inside you when you have your period and it catches all the blood then you just rinse it out? This is just like this but, it's disposable! Someone must have been giving out samples at the UC 'cause there were two of them on the floor together. See? These are meant to be thrown away. Kind of defies the logic in my mind though... I wonder how these work? Oooh! Look! (opening package) Directions!

Bewildered co-worker #2 (finally rousing): Please don't put something you found on the floor of the auditorium inside your body.

I really can't argue with that kind of logic.

THE FUTURE IS HERE.

Can be worn while participating in activities such as sports, swimming, sleeping and sex. Because I want to do all those things when having my period. AT THE SAME TIME. Talk about a busy life...