My blood runs cold...

Dear Universe,

I get it. You're providing me what I need. For everything I've lost in the last year, I've gained something in return. I appreciate it tremendously, and selfishly ask that you keep it coming.

And Universe, I love that I'm making new friends, I really, really do. When I had a terrible day last week I am so grateful that I had a new friend to call and tag along on errands with, just so I wounldn't have to be alone. (Mama and the Dipper are never allowed to leave the country without me EVER AGAIN, BTW.) But I also really, really, REALLY love that old friends are showing back up to offer support. And when the fit hit the shan several months ago, my long-suffering homeroom buddy from high school, Josh (Velazquez, Venable - you do the math) started calling on occasion to check in with me.

tee hee! us back in the day.

Eventually, he invited me up to Boston where he lives to visit with him and his wife, Lizz. And eventually, I said I would go. And one day three weeks ago, I thought "you know... fuckit. I'm going." And I up and bought a plane ticket. And IM'ed Lizz to tell her to expect a houseguest in a few weeks. And I held my breath and hoped for the best, and she responded with one word that won my heart immediately.

She said, "Finally!"

the lizzard and me outside josh's bar in east cambridge

 

Josh's bar is named for Lizz, and he calls the ladies that work at the bar Lizzbians. He named me honorary Lizzbian for the trip because I proudly represented the state of TN all over Boston like a boss. 

 

no i am NOT captain america, bostonian!

 

Some years ago, Josh inherited a stack of Playboys from the 60's and 70's. Also, he likes to decoupage.

JOSH. actually, i love it.

I spent three days with Josh and Lizz, and we had a more fun eating our way through Boston. Actually, I had fun until they realized what a squeamish picky eater I am and then THEY had even more fun trying to find things for me to eat that would really push my envelope.

and i know there's bound to be a fool or three out there that will think but i LOVE octopus, but oh my god you are wrong and not right at all and i insist you stop whatever it is you're doing at this moment and run out and get tested because something is terribly terribly awry with your mouth. and yes i ate some. and by some i mean a bite. but i swallowed it all, and not even whole like a raw oyster - i chewed and chewed and chewed some more.

and here we have a nice tall glass of eyeballs. new rule: things that you chew should never come up a straw. there's a reason we own soup spoons. LEARN TO USE THEM.

when a drink stares back at you, you know you're in trouble. this gives a whole new meaning to the term "googly eyes."

Dinner one night was at an Ethiopian restaurant. I had never had it before - Knoxville is shockingly devoid of Ethiopian restaurants.

this "mesob"/"table" and i have a lot in common

oddly enough, they thought the lack of forks would be the weird-out factor at this meal. guys. two words: FRIED CHICKEN. ain't no forks at popeye's either. just sporks.

And of course, no trip to Boston would be complete without some learney stuff thrown in there for good measure.

founding father henry winkler and me

people are more welcoming when you're kind to the natives. me kissing a redcoat.

touring is tiring so i take a cat nap

A few things I learned on my trip: number one, birds don't like me. Lizz and Josh have a pet bird and it chased me around their apartment for three days straight. And that mother fucker talks too. I kept having to yell, "Lizz, come get Picaso! He's chasing me again!" when Picaso would come after me very sweetly saying "Come here! Where are you going?" It reminded me of the weekend I spent at Moonshadow getting ready for Amanda's wedding. No cool, fowl. Not cool.

Other lessons learned:

you really gotta watch out for those seniors.

there is absolutely no crowd surfing, moshing or stage diving.

I made it home safe and sound to Knoxville, and a day after I got back, they sent me this:

ya'll. i'm so flattered. smooches all around!

Thank you, thank you. You made me feel loved.

Lastly, I give you today's installment of "What The Hell Is On The Stairs?"

toothpicks! of course.

Over and out.