I have the palate of a 9-year-old

Yesterday at trivia, Sharon and my adorable physicists kicked off a story the two had experienced with this whopper of an intro:

"So a couple of Halloweens ago we heard about this haunted house that also had a food challenge element in it. It was supposed to be super gross, but if you got through three rounds you win a pot of money. The down side is you have to pay to get in and if you throw up or leave the room your forfeit. And no one can come in and watch you do it, if you want someone to watch, they have to pay too. And it was the two of us paying to do the challenge, and the friend who drove us paid to just come in and watch and it was so gross that he was the first one to puke and he didn't even eat anything."

Color me intrigued. By the end of the story I was myself, in fact, about to throw up. But there's no way I was missing out on that tale.

It was with this story still fresh on my mind that I dashed out today for my very very very favorite lunch of champions: McDonalds. And it was when I was sitting down to eat my Big Mac thinking "Yum yum yum! I love you! My Big Mac! All for my own!" that it occurred to me that I really feel bad for people who don't like McDonalds. It's cheap and easily accessible. True, it's a half a day's worth of calories, but whatever! Plan accordingly and it's fiiiiiiine. Of course, there's always going to be the haters hating on the Big Mac but Poo on You Whineypants with your talk about science-ey nutrition and stuff. More Big Macs for me!

It was at this particular moment that I really started to think about the food I like and I came up with: my palate has not developed beyond a 9-year-old's. I still like Taco Bell. Hell yes I ate that Dorito Taco. I made a special trip for it! Krystals? You KNOW I can take care of some Chili Cheese Pups. Pizza Hut? Sign me up for a stuffed crust, please. In fact, I went to the doctor for a physical recently and discovered that my vitamin levels are all over the place because since moving out on my own my diet primarily consists of cheese and carbs. (I ordered the Big Mac today instead of two cheeseburgers because of the lettuce. See what I did there? Lettuce is a vegetable! It's practically health food! I'm sure those vitamin levels will be right as rain in no time.)

But back to being a 9-year-old. Sour cream is gross. Cream cheese is slimy and nasty. Mayonaise makes me want to vomit. And I WILL go ape shit on you if I order something in a restaurant and it comes out with mayo - the last time this happened, I slammed my sandwich down in anger and stomped my feet. Yes. I threw a temper tantrum.

And don't even get me started on texture issues. I can't stand food that feels weird in my mouth I CANNOT. (confession time!) I have never straight up eaten a single bite of cottage cheese because the though of putting a CURD in my mouth is horrifying.

Capers? Yuck. Blue cheese? Shudder. Feta cheese? Have we met? And the odd thing is, people keep trying! How can you possibly not love sushi, Megan? It is delicious! (and tastes like ass. IT IS UNCOOKED MEAT. They warn you about that shit in second grade.)

At the end of the day, all I can say is I am who I am. And dammit, I really love a Big Mac.