Feng Shui was never my strong suit

So the Roomstress and I signed our lease for another year living together in Knoxville (take a sec and mentally insert GIF of me cheering like Kermit the Frog when he announces the next act.) And I don't know why, but I took this one year anniversary of living together to actually move into and make my room exactly how I wanted it to be.

Not that it wasn't nice before. It was! Most of the items in it were things that were hand-me-downs, NICE hand-me-downs, but things I had picked out or designed myself. And a few weeks ago, I just made up my mind that this was my room, and I'm a grown-ass woman, and I had the money and time to fix this room just the way I wanted.

And I did! And when I finished decorating and stood back to admire my handiwork.... I realized I made a little girl's room accidentally. It's like I'm nine all over again.

it's very pink. and awesome.

i put up all these butterflies! aren't they so fluttery and pretty?

new rug, my dollhouse bookcase and flo to watch over me.

i made new pillows!

i super love these sheets

It is awesome. And as the Roomstress noted, it's very gender neutral. 

In other news, it totally snowed for realz the other day. I took pictures of pretty ice thingies around downtown:

And that's all I got for today. Over and out, and stay warm!

Oooh, things just got awkward

Actual conversation with me and DJ Smith's leading lady post-supper last night:

Me: I am getting a to-go order for the Roomstress, be right with you guys.

LL: Wait, you're not coming home with us?

Me: No, I have to go home.

LL: Why?

Me: Well, I have to do laundry and get ready for work tomorrow.

LL: What about Regina?

Me: What about her?

LL: Doesn't she do your laundry for you?

And then I had to explain why a roommate isn't the same as a father. Or a mother. And how I usually have to clean up after her and buy her food she can easily eat that's healthy. You know what? Maybe she SHOULD be doing my laundry.

In other news, the theme song from the movie Frozen pretty much sums up the whole of 2013 for me.

Truth. Also true? I watched Frozen with the Leading Lady and shrieked out loud in a crowded theater after Anna got frozen if she was really dead because A. I wasn't sure if she was really really dead, and B. knew that LL would put me out of my misery immediately. She did.

In other other news, I bought a new work lanyard recently because it was sparkly as can be. I picked the black one out of all the colors because I thought - hey. It's work. Let's try for a smidge "sedate." It's long with black sparkles and a big square at the bottom that's all silver sparkles with a zip cord for my keys and clip for my name tag - it's PERFECT. And I got so many compliments on it that I went back to the drugstore and bought one for all my office mates in Club 650. After I proudly presented them to the members of Club 650 I noticed that the purple one I gave to the Roomstress had a silver sparkly heart, and the F'ing First Lady's had a silver sparkly flower.

IIIIII am a SQUARE?

RECOUNT. I demand a recount. I blame dangling chads.

In other news, I finally found a reason to give away this god-awful card!

the reason was because i was dispatched to the drugstore to buy a going away card for a co-worker, and i came back with two new toothbrushes, 15 glow bracelets (half off!), face cream and baby wipes (don't ask), sparkly lanyards and no fricking good-bye card. i'm a very rational person, i swear.

And that's all I got for today. Over and out.

When to scream and when to thump loudly; Lines from the Loft

Actual conversation between the Roomstress and me the other day:

Me: Oh my gosh! Last night I burned my arm so badly with hot grease!

R: How did you do that?

Me: It was SO stupid. I poured a whole pot of cooking meat into the crock pot toward me. I know better. I screamed so loud; I'm surprised you didn't hear me.

R: Oh I heard you.

Me: You heard me? And you didn't come find out if I was ok?

R: Holy shit, Megan, you're always screaming about something. If I investigated every time you made noise I'd never get anything else done.

Me. Well. That's true.

R: Besides, if you were really hurt I figured you'd either keep screaming or you'd make like a thumping sound when you fell down.

Me: Ok. Well, as long as there's some semblance of a plan... (pulling hot bread out of the oven) OUCH! DAMMIT!!!

R: (sigh) I'm going to go take a shower now. If you need a ride to the hospital, scream and keep screaming or make a thumping sound.

UPDATE: Joy Point Attack! Lines from the Loft

Actual conversation between me and the Roomstress:

R: So, you know I've been taking that class on Monday nights, right? The one where you work on re-wiring your brain so you're more aware and cognizant of the joy in your life?

Me: Oh, yeah, right, how's that going?

R: Good! I thought about bringing you in for show and tell but the instructor said it wasn't polite.

Me: Too bad. I'da gone.

R: I know, right? Anyway, one of the exercises I need help with is making note of when something good happens in your daily life and keeping track of those joy points.

Me: Keeping track of.... joy points?

R: Yeah, like say if you're making a grilled cheese sandwich and the side you're toasting comes out perfectly and you're like "hooray" for a second? That's a joy point. You gotta keep track of them.

Me: Well, I admit - I'm familiar with the concept of the "joy point," I just didn't realize it had a name. Or that it was a contest.

R: Well, it's not really a game or a contest - it's more like -

Me: HOLY SHIT WE CAN MAKE IT A GAME. Since it's not a game we can make it a game and make up all the rules as we go along! JOY POINT! I'M ALREADY WINNING.

R: No, you're missing the point -

Me: Missing the Joy Point? Deduct one Joy Point! Zero serving zero!

R: Megan, that's not how it works -

Me: If you get a Joy Point and you're wearing just your underwear it counts double. JOY POINT! TWO SERVING ZERO!!!

R: Well, I wish you would put some pants on, but -

Me: HOLY SHIT I JUST HAD A GREAT IDEA. I'm going to get a whole bunch of party poppers and when you are asleep I'm going to sneak into your room and scream JOY POINT and shoot them off!!!

R: You know, I'm really sorry I asked for your help with this.

Me: Deduct Joy Point! On you, not me. Two serving negative one!

R: You're giving me a headache.

Me: I'm going to make a sign for the back of your bathroom door that says "Joy POOT"!!! HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA like Joy Point but funnier because it's the bathroom and you're probably in there pooping!! Joy Point!

R: I think I'm going to go read in bed. Good night.

Me: Oooooh, you love books! Joy Point!

In other news, check out this super awesome picture of me ice skating:

i'm not a very good ice skater

The Roomstress read this blog post and got to the part about the ice skating picture and noted that Benny's EK had some pretty solid drawing skills. After a minute of silence I told her I was the one who drew the picture. Yup. I have the skills of an 8-year-old. And they are mad.

UPDATED: Random craziness

The other day I was walking toward my back door down an alley when I saw something that made my mind say all these things all at once and it was terribly confusing - because literally, all these thoughts piled up one right on top of the other:

Megan 1: AAAAH!!! HOLY SHIT WHAT  IS THAT THING?

Megan 2: HOLY SHIT IS THAT THING ALIVE? It's got crazy eyes!!! AND IT'S STARING AT ME.

Megan 3: Aw! He's kinda cute! I wanna take him home to show to the Roomstress!

oink. i really did want to take him home but thought i shouldn't take home ballerina pigs beside dumpsters. he may have eaten that banana and it looks rotten and i bet he's not trained to a litter box. 

I also had to confess to the Roomstress that I almost brought home a trash ballerina pig simply to try and freak her out. She was less than amused.

In other news, I mentioned recently that I had my very first column come out in the same paper as my Dipsey Doodle's column and I was tickled pink about it. Here's a nice picture of me and the Dipper holding my very first column ever.

the dipper and me. he's proud. i'm flattered and honored and still slightly bewildered... but I'mma TAKE IT.

And not to be outdone, DJ Smith decides to photobomb.

dammit benny we're having a father daughter moment here

Lastly - we've been having some strange weather lately (cliche, I know - what else is new?) But the sunrise this morning was just so incredible that I took a picture of it (which I never do) and sent it to my mother while unbeknownst to me she was at the exact same time sending a picture of her beautiful sunrise and sending it to me (which she never does).

city sunrise

country sunrise

So naturally, Benny can't leave well enough alone:

dammit benny! do you need some attention or something?

And that's all I got for today. Over and OUT.

P.S. I just got text message from someone whose name I will not mention in order to protect the innocent (and guilty) but to give you a hint it's a HER, and I'm related to her and once I lived inside her body. Her text included the phrase "store bought gizz." I'll leave author and the rest of the conversation to your imagination. Enjoy. And you're welcome.

P.P.S. The Dipper tells me that it's spelled "jizz" and that I better learn to spell correctly if I'm going to write for the newspaper. I apologize for the error. 

Lordy what a day...

The Roomstress and I watched American Horror Story Coven last night and now I want to be Stevie Nicks. I like shawls. I like New Orleans. I like twirling. I sing horribly BUT I'm not letting that stand in my way. Inner Stevie, come out!

Once the show was over, we be-moaned the fact that we will have to wait *MONTHS* for a new episode to come out. MONTHS. This is a travesty! We decided that we needed to start our own 501(c)3 organization dedicated to the support of women who can't be without good TV for months on end. Thank God for Game of Thrones! Our new non-profit is going to be called "Rich White Women Who Have Pretty Much Everything They Need and Most of the Stuff They Want But Need Good TV As Well." Someone has to do something, you know.

Then we watched Annie. Then I went to bed. I woke up this morning with a full glass of wine on my bedside table and a half eaten box of Crispix in my bed. Not one to be easily ruffled, I just got out of bed, put the wine in the fridge and poured myself a bowl of Crispix and milk. But somewhere between the white witch and Annie, I think I got possessed. Annie and Stevie don't mix, I guess.

So then I came to work. And since it's been two days now that I've been craving Doritos Locos tacos from Taco Bell, I broke down and ate a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. And a bag of Combos. And a diet peach Snapple.

I think someone's got PMS. Either that or it's residual Stevie. Who knows. Jury's out.

P.S. Over the holidays DJ Smith told me I could hide his daughter's Elf on the Shelf to which I replied "OH BOY! Do you have any guns?" And was really going to have LeRoy the Elf holding a gun to surprise her the next morning and he had to talk me out of it. DJ Smith has no sense of adventure. I feel like someone other than the two of us should know this about me.

Oh and lastly - this wasn't on the stairs, but it was close by:

awesomest nativity set up ever

Oh happy day!

Because it's my blog, I totally get bragging rights whenever I feel like it.

Today is one of those days. Bear with me.

my dad's column. in the same paper on the same day as my column. i ain't gonna lie. i cried.

All those nights I stayed with Dad in his office, watching the paperboys come in late at night to start stuffing, those hours I enjoyed reading trashy novels on the fainting couch in the KNS women's room, the time I spent watching the press hum and papers churn out... well... in a small way, I get to be part of that now. In fact, I think the very first paying job I ever had was shagging golf balls for the Hole in One contest - and now I've come full circle. Still reporting to Susan Alexander.

It's humbling. I'm flattered. And astonished. And, and, and... and pretty damn happy about it. Here's hoping for a long tenure as social columnist for the KNS. I hope I spell everyone's name right....

Short post today - but my evident joy about this new freelance job should more than make up for the brevity of this post - and to bookmark this post with a bit of gravity - it is officially the most depressing time of the year.

Christmas all came down in the loft. But! For the first time EVER, I didn't have to take everything down on my own. The Roomstress was kind enough to pitch in, and volunteer the support of her darling niece Alexi and friend Meiping. We got all festivities out and packed into our storage unit within a few hours' time.

dj benny smith kindly saws my ginormous tree in half for easy removal

And now - life as usual. With an additional fabulous fancy new freelance job. I'll take it.

Over and out.