Monday, September 15, 2014

So I went to the Fair again this year....

Because I love the fair. Actually, I went twice. The second time was to see Ginuwine but by the time that we got there the show was over. Thanks, Ginuwine. There were a lot of disappointed strippers exiting stage right when we got there. I asked one if the show was really over and she said yes and asked me to feel her forehead and note the lack of sweat cause she didn't have the necessary time to get her swerve on during the concert. I didn't touch her head. I hadn't had a tetanus shot recently. ANYWAY.

Curve ball here but follow me - I understand that I follow a lot of liberal blogs and media. I understand that most of my friends and I share the same moral compass and viewpoints. I get that. I also understand that I live in the buckle of the bible belt, but I still am rarely in the minority. Which is why, on Friday night, in the Jacobs Building, I saw a booth titled "Vote No on Amendment 1." Makes sense, I thought, then I looked again - "Vote YES on Amendment 1."

Hm.

The table was staffed by bright young things dressed in pink shirts, helpfully showing off their plastic embryos, and I almost raised my arm to say something snide to DJ Smith, when I stopped. And I dropped my arm. And I walked on without saying anything (other than an "ugh" under my breath, who are we kidding).

Because I know how I feel when I'm working the LGBT table on campus and someone points at me. Not. Cool. And I'm not just about to make someone else feel that way when they're just following their own compass.

In other, less self-righteous news, I WROTE MY FIRST REAL BIG-GIRL NEWS STORY.

It went something like this: interviewed Gary Sinise, and I'm pretty sure I sounded coherent, but the jury's out on that one. I do know my knees knocked the entire time, but WHATEVER. Later on, I was writing my story when a security guard I befriended whispered to me that Mark Whalberg was going to be walking by shortly and SH! don't tell! HAHAHAHAHAHA poor man thought I could keep a secret. So armed with my camera, I managed to get this craptacular shot.

i was promptly asked not to photograph mr. whalberg again.

Then, I managed to file my story SORT OF on time, and it got the shit edited right on out of it. I was really hoping for a Pulitzer, but that got shot to hell, so oh well. BUT, the next morning, I woke up and my byline ran right next door to the Dipster's so I'm going to file that one under WINNING.

In other, more indigestion-ey news, I judged a cupcake contest! I ate 16 cupcakes. In one sitting. By the end I was more or less dying but I pulled it off. Afterward, while I was detoxing with some water, I found the emcees shoving excess cupcakes down. I was so sugared up I almost puked.

looking super cute while doing it though!

And lastly, today at lunch I got to pet a penguin. Here she is untying Daddy's shoe.

her name is jello.

That's all the news I got for today. Over and out.


Tuesday, September 9, 2014

I think I'm the only one who was late to work today for a tomato butt.

This morning I was dressed and ready for work when I grabbed a load of vegetables the Roomstress and I share with a couple of our co-workers. I had packed them carefully the night before, putting on the very top the slightly squishy heirloom tomato we received in our CSA (otherwise called "organic crap that rots in my fridge"). I had my mind already on work when I notice my butt was soaking wet. Since I was already at my car, I slipped between two of the vehicles and smelled the stain - and yep. Squished tomato on my butt.

i like wet butt and i cannot lie. am i the only person who thinks any version of baby got back is funny?


my butt was right there.

And that's why I was late to work.

In other news, I'm pretty sure another mushroom is growing in my bathroom.

Over and out.