Totally starstruck

So yesterday I was invited last minute to a luncheon (thank you Gay!) where Pat Conroy was the guest speaker. That's right. Pat Freaking Conroy. And don't think that I didn't wait in line for more than an hour to have him sign my book just so I would have the chance to exchange a few words with one of my favorite authors. I even had to email my supervisor and beg forgiveness for being late to our meeting because Pat Conroy.

i'm pretty sure i'm saying something profound and compelling to him.

This morning I woke up as I usually do, and do the first thing I do every morning - stick a toothbrush in my mouth and wander around brushing my teeth. It's a thing. I make up the bed with a mouth full of foam, I go make sure the living room is straight with a toothbrush hanging out my mouth - whatever. Just because I practice good oral hygiene doesn't mean I can't multi-task. And I as I wandered through the kitchen, I spied a stack of mail from the day before. And I stopped short.

Here's the thing about me: I'm forgetful. I am. I always have been. You will often hear me say "Did I already tell you this?" and the answer is usually "yes." I hear something, I react, then I promptly forget all about it. Done. Gone. So when I stopped short it was because I saw a letter on top from my father. Who had told me recently that Mary Costa had written me a letter that was sent to him. And I freaked out and told him to send it to me - which he did, and then I promptly forgot all about it.

So when I saw the letter I immediately did what any other human would have done: I plopped immediately down on the floor with my toothbrush hanging out of my mouth and tore the letter open.

And yes. There was a letter from Mary Costa. To me. A sweet, lovely note from Mary Costa. I don't even care that she spelled my name wrong.

we are totally going to be bffs i just know it

Oh and here's how I told the Roomstress, who was still in bed:

Me, to myself: OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH MARY COSTA TOTALLY SENT ME A LETTER OH MY GOSH WHO SHOULD I TELL???? WHO CAN I CALL????

(bathroom door down the hall slides closed!!!)

Me: REGINA!!! REGINA!!!! I DIDN'T WANT TO WAKE YOU UP BUT YOU'RE AWAKE AND HOLY SHIT MARY COSTA SENT ME A LETTER!!!!!

R: Who?

Me: MARY COSTA SHE WAS THE VOICE OF PRINCESS AURORA FROM SLEEPING BEAUTY, HOLY SHIT SHE SENT ME A LETTER! SHE SAID I WAS VERY TALENTED!!!!

R: Oh, good. 

Me: REGINA!!! REGINA! MARY COSTA SENT ME A LETTER!!! LOOK!!!!

(shoves letter and envelope under bathroom door and runs squealing down the hall)

I am starstruck. Pat Conroy and Mary Costa - all in one day. Who'da thunk it?

Over and out,

M

UPDATED - So I'm never sleeping again. OBVIOUSLY.

So I spent most of my day off Friday working a friend's farm while they had a huge Easter egg hunt with face painting and all sorts of fun stuff. It was a lot of fun, but also a lot of hard work. I was surprised at how sore my arms were the next day after hurling hundreds of plastic eggs on the ground. I crashed into bed early and expected to sleep in late, because I had to help a friend move the next day, and the dog I was dog sitting usually went pee about 6 AM and then I could go back to sleep.

Imagine my surprise at being awakened at 5:30 by a small tickle on my neck. A hair stuck under my pajamas, my fuzzy brain thought, and swatted it away. A few minutes later - another tickle. Must be a gnat or something, and gave the neck another scratch. A few minutes later - what the hell is on me? Grab my neck in my left hand and snap the light on with the right, and look at what was on me.

It was a tick. A tick. On my neck waking me up in the middle of the night tick.

So naturally I did what anyone else would do in this situation - I screamed and tried to crush it with my finger nails and it got away from me on the floor. I sat for a few minutes trying to calm down - and my internal dialog went a little something like this:

Self: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.

Self 2: Calm down. It's gone. It's just a little bug, you're fine.

Self: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE - HERE I'LL TEXT.... NO TOO FREAKED OUT TO TEXT NO ONE WILL GET IT FOR HOURS AND I NEED HELP NOW.

Self 2: You don't need help, you're fine. Shhhh.... there, there.

Self: I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE I'M CALLING MY MOTHER.

Self 2: You will worry your mother if you call her at this hour - calm down, everything's fine.

Self: EVERYTHING'S NOT FINE A TICK WAS ON ME AND HAD TO - WAIT WHERE THE HELL DID THE TICK COME FROM?

Self 2: The dog?

(Self looks over to the dog sleeping quietly, completely oblivious to my desperate plight) (P.S. The dog is an asshole who cares about no one.)

Self: IT CAN'T BE THE DOG IT'S AN INDOOR DOG IT WAS THE FARM! IT WAS THE FARM! I'M CALLING MY MOTHER!!!

Self 2: No, don't call your mother, oh look you're dialing the phone.

Mama: *snerfle* hello?

Self: EVERYTHING'S FINE I MEAN EVERYTHING IS SORT OF FINE, THERE WAS A TICK ON ME IN BED.

Mama: A tick? Oh honey that is upsetting. Has it burrowed in?

Self: NO I GOT IT OFF OF ME IT WOKE ME OUT OF A DEAD SLEEP AND I TRIED TO CRUSH IT BUT I DROPPED IT.

Mama: In the bed?

Self: NO ON THE FLOOR.

Mama: Oh no. Can you get a flashlight and look for it? Crushing it won't kill it. And you need to check the rest of yourself for ticks.

Self: HOLY SHIT THERE MAY BE MORE?

Mama: Calm down. You can feel them on yourself. Go look in the mirror.

(Self proceeds to strip with lightening fast speed and examine all nooks and crannies for offending vermin)

Self: I DON'T SEE ANY MORE.

Mama (slightly wistfully): Do you think you can go back to sleep?

Self starting to calm down and merge with Self 2: No.... I think I'll go take the dog for a walk.

P.S. The asshole dog was still doing nothing while I freaked out.

note i left for the roomstress.

Over and out. Tick free over and out.

UPDATED.

Getting ready for work this morning, I noticed a small speck on the wall. Haha, I thought to myself, how funny would be if that were the.... HOLY. SHIT.

It was the tick.

I frantically ran to scramble through the "what the hell is it" drawer in the kitchen desperately looking for tape. I found none, but remembered a roll of duct tape under the kitchen sink. Two seconds later, I had trapped:

the mother fucking tick.

So, again, naturally, I went running to show the Roomstress. Who was showering.

Me: REGINA. REGINA.

R: Yeah?

Me: I FOUND THE MOTHER FUCKING TICK.

R: What? You did? Where?

Me: ON MY WALL. I FOUND IT. HE'S RIGHT HERE.

R: WHAT? YOU HAVE IT?

Me: I HAVE IT STUCK TO SOME TAPE DO YOU WANT TO SEE IT?

R: NO!!!!! I'M SHOWERING!!! I DO NOT WANT TO SEE IT!

Me: HE'S RIGHT HERE! I FOUND HIM! I HAVE TO CALL MY MOTHER.

(dials frantically)

Dipsey: Hello?

Me: I FOUND THE TICK.

Dipsey: You did? Are you sure it's a tick?

Mama: Hello?

Me: I FOUND THE TICK. YES, DIPSEY IT IS A TICK.

And that's how my morning went. Pretty much.

This joint ain't what it used to be

So yesterday at work I had my shoes kicked off which I do without even thinking about and had to pull my boots back on to run to the restroom (sometimes I go barefoot if I'm pretty sure I won't run into my boss and I just have to go grab something quick but the bathroom sometimes can get yucky and I know for sure because once I almost puked on my boss and had to run and go barf and I got a bird's eye view of the commode. Since then he's avoided me so I have to worry about running into him with bare feet so yea that worked out nicely in my favor) and I had the thought "Dammit. I wish I had some slippers. Hey! I know! I'll keep slippers at work for just such an occasion!" and then I thought "Did I really just think for a second that wearing slippers at work was an ok thing to do?"

Anyway. So, the Leading Lady had a soccer game to go to and I tagged along and was very helpful with the GPS until DJ Smith noted that didn't I grow up out here and how come I didn't know where I was going and I was all indignant until I realized that I probably should know my way around but they moved the roads and things and it looks all confusing and different. I also saw a map online the other day that listed that part of town as "psychological hellscape of big box stores and chain restaurants" and that's pretty accurate. But then we pulled into the park where the soccer was being held and I got all quiet and DJ asked what was wrong and I had to confess that not only DID I know this park I also went to day camp there every summer for years.

Ahem.

If anyone wants to go to Mama and the Dipper's house they can see on display as part of the fridge art magnet collection a potato sack magnet I made at this camp out of burlap and old pantyhose except they tried to get me to stop learning how to make a halter top and go make this magnet so I only made like three potatoes and you're supposed to make like 50 so the cotton stuffing in it doesn't show, but I wanted to finish my halter top which was just a panel of fabric to cover the girls and four ribbons to tie around your neck and back which horrifies my 39-year-old self because I bet I looked like Miley Cyrus at the time all half naked like that but then I remembered that I was probably only 12 and wanted to look like Miley Cyrus if she'd been around and not just looking down from heaven. There was also one of those crazy tall slides that I'm sure are recalled as major safety hazards and it had a big bump in the middle of it and it was slick as all get out. I loved that slide. Anyway. That magnet is at Mama's if you want to see the three potatoes and all the cotton stuffing in some burlap. With a green bow on the front which occurs to me now is not necessarily factual because I've yet to see a sack of potatoes with a bow around it. Come to think of it I don't really think I've ever seen a sack of potatoes so maybe I'm wrong.

Anyway, so I ran to the bathroom when we first get there and I saw something that made me stop short. And I also didn't want to pee anymore.

um... what's going on here?

So... yeah. Ok. Let's start at the beginning. Striped stockings, check; black outlined dress, check; 666 on the chest, check; squinty eyes and W mouth, check and check. Mmm-kay. So naturally, I looked at the men's room:

lovely.

Also, why is neither the men's or women's wheelchair people drawn on with satanic symbols? Clearly, these vandals have never heard of the ADA.

In other news, does it bother anyone else when someone says "EK-specially?" That drives me nuts.

Over and out.

Russian Tea Dolls

So the other day I was watching the Leading Lady play soccer and when everyone stood up to go I stayed seated and the end of the bench I was sitting on all of a sudden became a see-saw and tipped over and I fell on my butt in front of everyone. It was good times. That really has nothing to do with anything, but I just thought someone should know this.

Also, my allergies have been horrid this spring and my left ear has been clogged for days. It's popped a few times, and every time it happens I want to smoke a cigarette I'm so happy.

Anyway - I have found in this new life I have that I really like Russian Tea Dolls. My Aunt Eva gave me one as a little girl, and I have no idea what happened to it, but I love it. Here's a snap of some of the Russian Tea Dolls around the house:

Russian Tea Doll pillow and sheets

these are measuring cups

new gift from kristi! adding him to the santa collection!

and my favorite! set i bought from earthbound trading. look how pretty she is with her eyelashes and polka dots!

the next one - smaller polka dots and no swirlies.....

next - she's all like hey! where are MY polka dots?

polka dots be dammed... I don't have EYELASHES. jeez. 

all of ya'll shut the hell up! how about some eyeballs, bitch?

And that's all the news I got for today. Over and out!

Not a lot going on today....

Although I just realized that I have six different chapsticks of varying size, shape and flavor on my desk. Feel like someone other than me should know this.

So since there's not a lot going on, here are some pictures of me being silly.

Actually wait - Kristi and I went to Emory's for a final farewell (Pigeon Forge - REALLY?) and got into a discussion on what this was. I say it's a hat. Kristi said you tied it onto a rail or something. What do you think?

whether or not you tie it on a rail i'm using it as a hat.

i chased kristi around the store with this egg saying "but daddy iiiiii want a golden egg!"

And now, after years of wanting, I am the proud new owner of a kit cat clock. 40% off!

All I got for today. Over and out!