(I do it. And manage well. Ish.)
Universe: Huh. Tougher than I thought... well, hm.... let's make her get divorced! That'll rattle her!
(I get divorced. And I manage well. Ish.)
Universe: Wow. Tough cookie. Ok, well let's make her depressed and anxious and OH I KNOW make her nerve pinch and she has to take steroids!!!
(Sidebar: I am taking the stupid steroids because the doctor, the pharmacist and the psychiatrist all said it wouldn't interact with the meds I'm already on. But I lived with a man who took 'roids whenever he had an asthma attack and that is the first thing I said to the doctor after "OH HELL TO THE NO" because I know what Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde looks like after all that. All that to say if you see me in the next couple of weeks and I hulk out on you, give a girl some slack. I HAVE A PINCHED NERVE, YO.)
Me: Steroids, ok. Eleventy billion pills in the morning to make sure I have normal blood pressure, am not living in a panic attack, and feel like - oh, I don't know - getting out of bed and doing something, even if it's just brushing my hair - and OH NOW WAIT. Pill that maybe or maybe not will make me crazy: Hokay. WAIT. Lemme get this straight:
Pill to calm me down: swallowed.
Pill to make sure that even if I'm calm I have low blood pressure and not having a madly racing heart and blood pumping all over the place like a garden hose with water rushing through it and making it writhe on its own accord: swallowed. And PS the swallowing of it makes it feel like any activity I do is an Olympic event and I'm dying to catch my breath or force myself to keep moving - ok, yeah great, whatever....
Pill to make sure that I'm calm yet gives me the gumption to get out of bed in the morning and actually... I don't know do something; something ANY FUCKING THING be it watch TV or read a book or go outside or HEAVEN FORBID be a productive member of society for fuck's sake, I DON'T THE HELL KNOW BUT GET OUT OF BED pill: SWALLOWED.
NOW. THERE'S THIS. A fricking pill that may or may not spin the whole shebang into orbit. And I have had three authorities on the subject tell me it's ok. I'll be fine. And in fact, I may be better than fine because I may have an un-pinched nerve at the end of the day and that will me another incentive to actually get out of bed and actually move my body without knowing I will wince in pain with every step that I take.
Hokay. Done. SWALLOWED.
And none of it, NONE OF IT, not one ounce, not one iota, not one teensy eeensy itty bitty bit shook me to my core...
UNTIL.
I.
SAW.
THIS.
 |
| universe, you are a cruel, cruel mistress. |
Me: I just hope those pills are working. I'mma need it in case of spiders.
Universe: Time will tell.
No comments:
Post a Comment